


you gave me the world

by ninwrites



Series: Shadowhunters Coda Scenes [17]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coda, Communication, Episode: s03e16 Stay With Me, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e16 Stay With Me, Spoilers, canon divergent from there, up until 3x17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2020-01-01 03:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18328031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninwrites/pseuds/ninwrites
Summary: a 3x16 coda.





	you gave me the world

**Author's Note:**

> i have some feelings about 3x16, and the lead into 3x17...
> 
> \--
> 
> title from ‘in case you don’t live forever’ by ben platt

 

 

It’s heavier than he remembers. 

 

Alec had been twelve the first time he’d held the Lightwood family ring, and at the time, it had felt like a boulder. He’d barely held it for a second before he’d shoved it back at his father, unable to meet his gaze, too embarrassed to admit that he was afraid he was going to break it. He was supposed to be tough, he was the future leader of the Institute, a  _ Lightwood, _ yet all he’d felt was unworthy. 

 

He’d tried to convince his father to give the ring to Isabelle, at first, and then to Jace when he came to join them; they were real Lightwoods. He was just a weak imitation, pretending to be the son that his parents wanted even as he knew, deep down, that he never would be. 

 

It was one of his conditions when he proposed to Lydia; he wanted to do it on his terms, his way, and that meant no family ring. His father had almost popped a vein, his mother taking the air from the room and replacing it with a tension so thick it felt suffocating, but there had been a peace that Alec couldn’t shake, a hidden strength in the knowledge that even if he didn’t have the power to decide his own future, at least he could do this. 

 

Of course, things didn’t end up going to plan. Fortunately. 

 

Yet here he is, staring at the same ring that had haunted him after his father had first explained that it was up to Alec to continue the family line, that the ring was a symbol of the responsibility he had as a Lightwood to carry on their legacy, to make them proud. 

 

Alec knows that he wants to propose to Magnus - just as he knows that he wants to do it with the Lightwood ring, to show Magnus, and everyone who has ever doubted them, that he is in it for life, that Magnus is his family, his everything. Magnus is the reason that Alec has agency of his own life, if it weren’t for him … Alec can’t even imagine how much worse off he’d be. Magnus has so effortlessly intertwined into his world that nothing else exists when he’s around, and when he’s not, there’s nothing else that Alec thinks about. 

 

Magnus  _ is _ Alec’s future. 

 

They might not have forever, but then, they never really did - all they’ve ever had is each other. And that is more than enough.

 

* * *

 

“Am I interrupting?”

 

Catarina looks up as Alec raps his knuckles lightly against the door, but Magnus has his head bowed, hands twisting in his lap. 

 

“I was just finishing up,” Catarina explains, gently. “Magnus will need to be careful, he’s exerted a lot of energy in the past couple of days, and his body has a lot to recover from. Doctor’s orders are a lot of chamomile tea and extensive Project Runway marathons.”

 

“You’re not a doctor,” Magnus points out, petulantly. “And I’ve caught up on PR.”

 

Alec hooks his hands behind his back and hesitantly steps forward. “His current obsession is Great British Bake-off. He has a soft spot for Mary Berry.”

 

“She’s an international treasure.”

 

Catarina smiles warmly and squeezes Magnus’ shoulder. “Be nice to yourself.” She orders, though Magnus’ only response is a half-hearted wave. He doesn’t look up as she packs up her things, and Alec isn’t sure if he’ll be welcomed any closer, so he hovers anxiously by the door. 

 

“Magnus just needs some time,” Catarina assures him, brushing against his side. “Losing his magic was a trauma that he never really got over - the stress of this transplant and it’s failure has essentially transported him back to where he was. He has a lot of recovery to do, and he’ll need our support - yours, perhaps more than anything else. Unfortunately, this is something he has to do on his own. Be patient with him.” 

 

Alec nods. “I’ve learnt recently that wishing I could change things doesn’t actually do anything.” 

 

Catarina leans up and kisses Alec’s cheek. It’s far more fond than she’s ever been towards Alec, but there’s a sense of trust within the gesture that warms him.

 

“He needs you, more than ever. But he’s also a stubborn ass who won’t admit that he needs help, from anyone, because he thinks that makes him weak.”

 

“He’s the strongest person I’ve ever met.” Alec admits, knowing that Magnus is probably listening in, even if it’s accidentally. “I’m more inspired by him each day that I know him.”

 

Catarina nods, as though she’s satisfied with what she’s hearing. “You’re really good for him. Don’t let him convince you otherwise.” Over her shoulder, she adds. “Don’t push Alec away just because you think it’s what you deserve. You know Ragnor wouldn't be happy about it, and neither will I. Don’t make both of us haunt you.”

 

“Send my love to Madzie.” Is all that Magnus replies with. 

 

“If everyone is up for it, maybe we could take her to get some ice-cream this weekend?” Alec suggests, despite knowing that plans hardly ever follow through in a world like theirs. 

 

Catarina nods, squeezing Alec’s elbow. “I’m sure she’d love that. Take care, both of you.” 

 

Within seconds, she’s gone, the infirmary doors shutting behind her with an almost imperceptible  _ whoosh _ . 

 

The room feels smaller with only the two of them left in it. 

 

“I hope you didn’t feel as though I was, pressuring you, in any way.” Alec pinches the webbing between his thumb and index finger, his hands still hidden behind his back. “To give Lorenzo’s magic back. I just - I know it’s selfish, and I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to lose your magic, and I know that it’s none of my business but I couldn’t-”

 

Alec blinks back a stray tear. “I told you once that I didn’t think I could live without you, but the truth is, I can’t. I don’t want to. A world that doesn’t have you in it is a world I don’t want to be in, and I know I have a habit of realising just how much you mean to me once the worst has already happened-”

 

“You told me that you loved me for the first time after you thought Valentine had wiped me out.” Magnus’ voice is thin, but he’s speaking, and for Alec that’s more than enough. “You kissed me at your wedding to another woman, despite ample opportunities beforehand. Either I’m not quite as obvious at showing how I feel about you, or you truly have the worst timing imaginable.”

 

Alec takes a step forward. “I don’t know if you could tell, but I’m a little emotionally repressed. Comes with the surname, I’m afraid.”

 

Which reminds him of that little jeweled box, and the heavy silver ring, locked away in his office desk atop the photo-booth strip from their date in Tokyo (that feels like a lifetime ago.)

 

“You’re getting better.” Magnus turns his head slightly, and Alec can see the tiniest hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth, the tease of something brighter. “You’re quite the poet at times.”

 

Alec takes another step. “I just tell it how it is. When I tell you that I love you, it’s because that’s the truth. You are … you’re my world, Magnus. Everything feels better when you’re around, I smile more, I feel lighter and happier, and - invincible.”

 

“Alexander-”

 

“Please.” Alec reaches the bed, but doesn’t get any closer. “I need you to know this.”

 

Magnus glances up, nodding slightly. It’s not a lot, he’s still turned away from Alec, still guarding himself, but he’s listening, and that’s all that Alec needs.

 

“You changed my life, Magnus. You swept in like a hurricane and I was terrified of you, because you were so strong and confident and so sure of yourself, and you saw things in me that I never wanted anybody to know about. You were everything I was too afraid of admitting that I needed, but you never gave up on me. I don’t think I ever told you how much that meant to me.”

 

“Catarina called me an idiot.” 

 

Alec chokes out a hoarse laugh. “I don’t blame her. I didn’t understand it at the time, myself. I thought for sure you’d realise that I wasn’t worth the effort and move on, to someone better, someone who wasn’t so difficult.”

 

Magnus shakes his head. “You were always worth the effort.”

 

“I’ll never be able to show you how important it was to me that you stayed. I didn’t think you should have, and sometimes I still don’t. But you did. You became the one constant in my life that I could depend upon, and even when I made mistakes, and when I fucked up - because I did, and I know that - even then, you were still there, so understanding and patient and kind.”

 

Alec runs his hand through his hair, warring against his urge to pull Magnus into his arms and squeeze him until neither of them can breathe, because it’s a decision that should be left up to Magnus, and Magnus alone. 

 

“That’s who you are, Magnus. That’s the man who I fell in love with. Not the High Warlock of Brooklyn, not the great and all-mighty Magnus Bane, not the magic you used for portals and spells, but  _ you _ . My Magnus. None of that is going to change, now or ever.”

 

“You can’t be sure of that,” Magnus argues, crossing his arms over his chest. 

 

“Why not?” Alec keeps his voice calm and level. “Would you love me any less if I was a mundane? If I wasn’t the Head of the Institute? If I was old and greying and frail?”

 

Magnus doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t need to.

 

“You love me for who I am. It’s taken me longer than I’d like to admit to realise that, but it’s true, and I know that, because you’ve showed me. If I need to show you how I feel about you, as more than just your magic, then I will. I would do anything for you, Magnus. Anything.”

 

There’s silence for a few minutes, that drag out like hours, before Magnus speaks up. 

 

“You’re an honest man, Alexander. I’ve always admired that about you. But being told something is a lot different than believing it, and I’m afraid I find it hard to believe. My whole life, magic has been a part of me. It’s caused as much destruction as it has saved lives, I don’t - I don’t feel balanced without it. I feel empty.”

 

He laughs, but it’s fragile, devoid of any real humour and heartbreaking to hear. “Lorenzo’s magic never fit right … it was like wearing a really nice pair of shoes that were a size too small, but I wanted them so badly that I pretended there was nothing wrong. It’s vain and stupid, I know, but I thought if I just kept using it, maybe it would adjust to me, and it would be like having my own magic back.”

 

“I’d go to Edom myself if I thought I could get your magic back.” 

 

Magnus’ tiny smile grows slightly. He reaches out and pats the space on the bed beside him, a silent invitation which Alec almost pounces at. 

 

“I know you would. I’d never ask that of you, but I know I couldn’t stop you if you tried.”

 

Alec reaches for Magnus’ hand, almost crying out of relief when Magnus squeezes his back. “I’d check with you first. Ask for permission before knocking Asmodeus’ lights out.”

 

“I’d pay to see that.” Magnus lets out a low sigh. “I’m afraid I’m not very good company at the moment.”

 

“Well,  _ I’m  _ afraid I have to disagree with you there.” Alec lifts their joined hands, pressing a kiss to the ridge of Magnus’ knuckles. “I think you’re fantastic company. And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than by your side.” 

 

“Careful, Alexander.” Magnus gingerly rests his head against Alec’s shoulder. “That almost sounds like forever.”

 

Alec kisses Magnus’ temple, whispering against his hairline: “Forever doesn’t sound half-bad to me.”    
  


**Author's Note:**

> you can find more of my ramblings on [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/umbrellaklauss) & [tumblr](https://ninwrites.tumblr.com/)
> 
> (and while you're there check out the [shfanficnexus](https://shfanficnexus.tumblr.com/), a collection of work by wonderfully talented and lovely writers <3 )  
> thank you for reading!


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